One would think that just having children makes you a “real” parent.  But, it doesn’t.  I was fortunate to get to stay home with Noah and have a great Mom’s group that I was a part of.  Both of us and then Zo when she came along–had a lot of great socializing.  Then, Noah started school.  I knew that this would mean that I would have to make friends with the parents.  But I never really considered the  responsibility I have for keeping up with Noah and his friends.

The PLAYDATE.  I know it might seem odd to be nervous about playdates.  I’ve had them before with other kids and moms–but many of them I “knew” through the blogosphere before we met in person.  But this whole playdate with private school friends is new to me and well, to be honest, makes me a little self-conscious.  We are not wealthy people–a big part of that is due to the insane and completely unnecessary amount of debt we carry (I know this is something we need to work on and we are–for our kids’ sake and future).  We’d be much better off if we didn’t have this huge debt monkey on our back–but certainly not living in a nearly million-dollar house “better off.”  More, a shopping at Macy’s instead of Target better off.

Anyway.  Can you tell I have some anxiety about this.  I knew this type of socioeconomic differences would exists between us and other families who sent their kids to private school.  I am happy to admit that most of the time these differences are completely undetectable–all of our kids are pretty indistinguishable in terms of socioeconomic status on a day to day basis–even the parking lot isn’t too polarizing–lots of mini-vans and sedans.

We had our first official at someone’s house playdate this week.  We actually had two this week.  Way to just jump right in.  I am not sure it was money issues that through me off and had me the most frightened.  I was most frightened about my own socializing with the other moms.  I am not a good small talker.  I wasn’t raised in a family where we did a lot of small talk and I have had many of the same friends for a long time.  Add to that, the fact that I am self-conscious about being a student–I know I am a PhD student, but I am still a student and…anyway.  I am ready to be done and have a career and be on my way.  So, this is obviously my own issue but it is one that plagues me as I am surrounded by families and women who are working hard in their careers—lawyers, doctors, etc and stay-at-home moms.

I have some real insecurity issues–but I do not want to pass these on to my children.  I will work through them.  So, on Monday we drove over to one of Noah’s friends’ houses for a playdate.  It’s in a really really expensive area of town–as I turned on their street, my heart stopped beating momentarily as I drove past ESTATES with gates.  I’m thinking “holy shit” the whole time.  But we drove a block or two and there were then some much more reasonably sized million dollar homes.  I prayed one of those would be our destination.  And it was.  But right across the street was a huge estate–huge isn’t even the right word.  I don’t know the right word to describe a house that could easily hold 10-15 of my house and probably still have room to spare.

We knocked and went in to a very unassuming house.  It was tasteful and sophisticated but didn’t say “look at how rich I am.”  It was nice.  That is something that I have noticed about most rich people–they don’t have a lot of stuff.  Sure they have more places to store stuff–but they don’t have  a lot of extra stuff laying around like I do.  The kids rooms were not overflowing with toys and crap–like mine.  It really has caused me to ask, exactly what do I need and why do I feel like I need to have a million things?  Probably because I can’t afford one nice thing–although I probably could if I didn’t buy a bunch of crap.

Overall, the playdate went well.  It is so hard being a parent.  We did a craft with the kids–the two boys make some crowns.  CRAFTS.  The only craft my kid can do is color–CRAFTS.  Of course, this got me questioning my own parenting.  But, I am not a craft mom and my kids are really craft kids.  Ever since Noah was little, it has been a struggle to get him to even color.

This has grown so much longer than I intended.  The playdate went great–we had lunch and it was super nice.  The kids played on their own for the majority of the time we were there.  The other mom and I chatted and it was easy.   I sometimes forget that I am an adult–being in school will do that for you as so many people you interact with see you as a student.  The second playdate was very different.  More about that tomorrow.