Who thought with a kid in private pre-school, I’d have to be dealing with bullies. But in these tough economic times, Noah’s class has two. Dad wants him to tell the bullies “no” when they hit/kick him and if they continue then he should hit them back. I am not a fan of this and Noah even said to his dad, “But my teachers might see me.” Clearly he understands that hitting/kicking someone is wrong. Because there are two teachers and 18-20 students, the teachers can’t see everything that happens. And as the boys play rough much of the time, can you really tell from a distance or glance if they are engaging in consensual play or one is being mistreated.
Hubby is surprised I am not more concerned. I don’t want my son to get hurt and bullied by some kid. I’ll do what I need to to protect my child. But those of us who have kids know that our kids don’t tell us anything. Noah might tell me three days later that S or B hit him and it hurt. I had a long talk with Noah today about how to handle it when kids are mean to him and try to hurt him–whether kicking, hitting, or pushing. I told him to yell “No, Don’t hurt me.” Thinking this will get one of the teachers attention and Noah doesn’t have to resort to the “eye for an eye” mentality. He is too young to be learning that hitting back is sometimes necessary. I don’t want him to learn that. I want him to learn to walk away and not give the bully what he wants/needs.
So, here we are at a bit of an impasse. Re-enrollment is coming up and I have every intention of re-enrolling Noah, but I know there are a couple of families that are considering not re-enrolling because their kids are being picked on repeatedly. Noah is pretty outgoing and he’ll go and play with a few of the girls if the boys are playing in a way he doesn’t want to play. He is starting to learn and I hear him tell B that he doesn’t want to play like that and isn’t going to play with him. I like that he is figuring this out for himself. But, I might be a little more apt to react if he was showing signs of distress and anxiousness.
Have your kids had to deal with bullies? How is it handled at your kids school? How have you handled it?
Embracing Imperfection 
Well, first I wonder if the teachers are aware of the issue being serious enough that it may mean that some parents will not re-enroll? I’m not saying that it warrants the bullies being kicked out, but certainly they need to be eyed more (well if possible given the ratio). Haven’t had to deal with this, but I’m with you that I would want my kids to try to speak up for themselves loudly before resorting to hitting back (kind of the same mindset when Alijah went through the hitting stage and I felt that hitting him back while telling him no hitting was sending a mixed message, so of course we didn’t do that).
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Funny – we just had a conversation last night about this & told child numero uno that if he hits back and gets in trouble, he won’t be in trouble with us. Few and far between are the teachers who a) will deal with this and b) have the skills to effectively do so. Its so disillusioning! Good luck!
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