So, I work in an office with mostly guys.  This is a bit misleading–as there are only 5 of us in the office and 3 of them are guys.  So, “mostly” is a relative term here.

Our office is old row house that has been converted into office space and it’s great.  But our bathrooms are like a traditional house bathroom and so we added a nice (and by nice, I mean plastic) dispenser for hand towels.  It’s great.  I used that last hand towel the other day, so I got another package.  I carried it upstairs to put in our lovely (an by lovely–I mean cheap plastic, woman-hating) dispenser.

I am not idiot by any means.  I can build things and put furniture together.  But this thing here?  Hates me.  You’ll notice there is a little plastic key thing at the top.  I assume (rightly so) that your turn it and then it pops open.  Right?  Simple?  No.  I turn and nothing happens.  I push and turn and nothing happens.  I jump up and down on one foot, turn and say an incantation and NOTHING HAPPENS.

See, I turned the key thing.  So, I just put the towels on the window sill.  I finally admitted my defeat to one of my male co-workers today and after he laughed a little too much, he walked me through the tutorial of how use this woman-hating machine.  Simple enough.  You turn the key and it pops open. Simple.  Easy.  Obvious.

I go upstairs to siege the victory and my other co-worker has stolen my victory.  When he asks “What victory?”  I explain that I couldn’t get the paper towel holder open.

He states “there’s a key”

No shit.  I know that.  So I go in secretly to open this for my own satisfaction.  Guess what?

That fucking thing still won’t open for me.

I will use my pants before I use that last paper towel and make sure I never have to refill that thing.