I don’t often feel my age.  Yesterday, I did.  It was more a combination of age and a couple years of laziness–but 45 is hard.

I have always had a love/hate relationship with exercise, etc.  I love the way it makes me feel; but to be honest, I have not made it a priority.  There has always been an excuse or something else in the way–dissertation to write (DONE), papers to grade (Never Done), kids to run around (TAXI).

But, I have always been able to get back on the train pretty easily.  This past summer it hit me when I did a bike ride with my bestie–we had done lots of bike rides–and I struggled in ways I hadn’t before.  My hips are older (and I don’t stretch like I should) and my age is catching up with me.

My age and the difficulty of getting back in shape was never more apparent than yesterday when I did my first 5k training cycle.  My daughter is doing Girls on the Run this year for the first time and she needs someone to run with her.  I thought this was just the motivation I needed to get off my expanding ass and start the long (VERY LONG) road back to health.

It sucked.  I use to be able to run (a little)–but my knees and hips are a bit more combative (they like being lazy). It didn’t help that I am battling some lung congestion; but let’s be honest that was the least of my issues.  I was supposed to run for 1 min and walk for 1.5 min, alternating.  Well–I was able to run for 30 seconds.

It was humbling.

It was one of the first times that I have really felt old.

It was one of the first times that I have come face to face with the fact that I have really let myself go.  I will not give up–I might need more Advil.  I will keep pushing and if I have to do that first day 4-5 times before I get up to the 1 minute of running than I will.  I will do it for me.  It will be great to run with my 3rd grader–but it will be more than that.

I didn’t think I’d ever finish my dissertation and I did.

Yesterday, I didn’t think I could do the full 25 minutes of running/walking and while it was sucky and I didn’t do as much as I set out to do–I did it.  I will do it again tomorrow.  I’ll teach my kids that no matter how hard something is you cannot give up.

Here’s to hoping 45 gets better.  But it’s hard.