Author: Dawn Kasal-Finley

Loving

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 2 Comments

I am not naive.  I know that our country has a horrendous past regarding the treatment of those the white establish deem as other.  Our differences use to be rather easy to determine–White was good–everything else was bad.  Pretty simple right.  Well what happens when whites don’t get the memo or choose not to drink the kool-aid?  It throws the establishment off balance and the results are often catastrophic.

Meet the Lovings:

All they did was love each other in 1958 Virginia.  They showed their love by getting married.  Less than 2 months after their marriage they were arrested and sentenced to 1-year in jail.  Their sentence was suspended if they would leave Virginia–for good.

They came to visit family for Easter and were again arrested.  This was 1958.  Both of my parents were alive.  There were 24 states that had miscegenation laws at that time.  They just wanted to love each other, raise their 3 children and be around family.

This documentary hurt me deeply.  It reminded me that while my children (who are black) don’t have to deal with this level of racism in their daily life, this level of racism still exists.  The people who spoke out in favor of miscegenation are still alive.  Their children to whom they pass on their beliefs are still alive.  Our world still favors white and rich and the other has many more obstacles.

I know that these laws existed and I know that they were horrible.  But I never thought about the real-life implications of the laws.  But this documentary really brings to life the implications of these laws and the real people whose beliefs fueled these laws.  That is what really get me.  That people really thought they needed to protect the “purity of the races.”  That is such a crap reason.  I am pretty sure the whites who supported these laws were only worried about the “purity of their own race.”

The thing that struck me and by struck I mean scared the shit out of and pissed me off the most is that in 1967 (while the Loving V. Virginia case was moving through the courts on it’s eventual way to the Supreme Court) a federal judge said “God created separate races on the separate continents to ensure that the races did not mix.”  This was espoused by a federal judge who was charged with upholding the law.  What does God have to do with this?  Isn’t there a separation of church and state?

This movie forced me to think about and consider the implications that these thoughts and feelings have on me and my children.  I am lucky that my kids are raised in an environment where they are accepted for who they are as people and not because their skin is beautifully brown.  Skin color is really no different than hair color or eye color.  It is the only thing we can’t change about us, but it is just a thing.  I cut off all of Noah’s beautiful curls–he is still the same kid.

Richard Loving said it best.  When their ACLU lawyers asked him if there was anything that he wanted them to tell the court, Richard simply replied–“Tell them I love my wife.”

It is time that the state and people’s own beliefs stopped deciding who can love whom and let everyone “love their husband/wife.”

The supreme court in a 9-0 decision, in 1967, stated:

Marriage is one of the “basic civil rights of man,” fundamental to our very existence and survival…. To deny this fundamental freedom on so unsupportable a basis as the racial classifications embodied in these statutes, classifications so directly subversive of the principle of equality at the heart of the Fourteenth Amendment, is surely to deprive all the State’s citizens of liberty without due process of law. The Fourteenth Amendment requires that the freedom of choice to marry not be restricted by invidious racial discrimination. Under our Constitution, the freedom to marry, or not marry, a person of another race resides with the individual and cannot be infringed by the State.

I would like to see the phrase sexual orientation added to this.  It’s time we stop separating groups and bring us all together.

The Obvious Isn’t Always Helpful

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / Leave a comment

So, I work in an office with mostly guys.  This is a bit misleading–as there are only 5 of us in the office and 3 of them are guys.  So, “mostly” is a relative term here.

Our office is old row house that has been converted into office space and it’s great.  But our bathrooms are like a traditional house bathroom and so we added a nice (and by nice, I mean plastic) dispenser for hand towels.  It’s great.  I used that last hand towel the other day, so I got another package.  I carried it upstairs to put in our lovely (an by lovely–I mean cheap plastic, woman-hating) dispenser.

I am not idiot by any means.  I can build things and put furniture together.  But this thing here?  Hates me.  You’ll notice there is a little plastic key thing at the top.  I assume (rightly so) that your turn it and then it pops open.  Right?  Simple?  No.  I turn and nothing happens.  I push and turn and nothing happens.  I jump up and down on one foot, turn and say an incantation and NOTHING HAPPENS.

See, I turned the key thing.  So, I just put the towels on the window sill.  I finally admitted my defeat to one of my male co-workers today and after he laughed a little too much, he walked me through the tutorial of how use this woman-hating machine.  Simple enough.  You turn the key and it pops open. Simple.  Easy.  Obvious.

I go upstairs to siege the victory and my other co-worker has stolen my victory.  When he asks “What victory?”  I explain that I couldn’t get the paper towel holder open.

He states “there’s a key”

No shit.  I know that.  So I go in secretly to open this for my own satisfaction.  Guess what?

That fucking thing still won’t open for me.

I will use my pants before I use that last paper towel and make sure I never have to refill that thing.

His First Taste Of Awesome

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 3 Comments

Noah has wanted to learn to read for a long time, but was just not ready.  I subscribe to the idea that when kids are ready, they will do things.  I try very hard not to push them.  We make lots of things available and when they want to write the alphabet they will. When they want to paint they do, etc.  I know enough to know that you can’t (and maybe shouldn’t) rush development.  Rushing one area of development can leave another area bypassed.  And while for my own “look at my kid” desires, I have let reading go.  We have level 1 readers that he sometimes would pick up and we would sound out words, etc.  But it was always more frustrating for him than anything.  Because anyone who knows my son, knows that he likes to succeed and be good at things.  Failing at something or not being able to do something makes him extremely frustrated (that is putting it mildly–often he can go bat shit crazy).

Anyway.  Our bedtime routine is pretty simple–brush teeth and read.  I usually read a chapter from a Magic Treehouse book to Noah and then book to Zoë.  Sometimes we flip and I read to Zoë first.  But it’s pretty simple.  Well last night, Noah had to move some of those goofy decal things that stick on the wall but you can move them from place to place, etc.  So, I read to Zoë.  Noah asked if he could get one of his “easy” books to look at while I read Princess Winter Wishes or some nonsense like that to Zoë.  I said sure.

So, I finished reading to Zoë and then Noah asked if he could practice reading tonight instead of listening to me read.  I said absolutely.  He is learning words in school and they have a word wall and he is starting to recognize words and read them when he sees them.  So, he started reading the book.  And we talked about the words and I help with sounding some of them out.  But he was able to read a good portion of the book without my help.  My heart swelled.  But that wasn’t the best part.

When Noah finished, he laid backwards on the bottom bunk, eyes wide and said “I am so proud.”

We then read it 3 more times and had to try a few other books as well.

“Reading is AWSOME Mom.”

Yes reading is awesome little man.  He had to read the book to his dad this morning–twice and to his sister once.

He still has along way to go before he is a reader–but he is well on his way and is ready.

Above Water

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / Leave a comment

I feel like I am barely holding my head above water.  I am so busy.  I know stop whining, everyone is busy.  Just the same, this is a different type of busy for me.  My new job is keeping me very busy and the the semester just started and I’m teaching 2 classes–I know, what the hell was I thinking?

I have been traveling a lot for work–it is usually just an overnight trip–but that is still a lot when you have little ones who you usually put to bed and a husband you feel like you never see.  I know its a phase and that things will settle down.  I’ll find a rhythm.  My family will find a rhythm.  We will survive this.  But I am tired.  I am completely unable to relax because the deadlines are pressing.  I joke about my todo list at work and how it is horizontal and everything is a top priority.  I knew when I accepted this job that it would be overwhelming in the beginning.

I just feel like I can’t catch up.  I haven’t been able to find time to work-out, which sucks since my job requires a lot of sitting on my ass staring at my computer.  But, I am lucky.  My husband is amazing and has taken over so many of the things I use to do with ease.  The house might be a little messier and the dishes don’t get done as much, but I can’t complain when I am gone many nights during the week during those hours when I could/should be hanging with my family and my kids.

I haven’t been able to find the balance that I want/need.  I am looking for it, and trying to make all the moments I have with the kids matter.  I am trying not to feel guilty that I am gone so much.

I am trying to keep my head above water.  The kids laughter and smiles help with that.  My husband’s support helps with that.