Adoption

Here we go again…

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 8 Comments

Well yesterday we mailed in our application for a baby girl to our agency. I thought we would have to wait 6mos before applying again. But, because the wait will be long 12-18mos the director allowed us to submit our application now. It is exciting to be on the waiting list. It will be atleast 3mos before we can begin work on our dossier. Of course this time it will be pretty easy to put together since I know exactly what we need and I can work on somethings before we are given the go ahead–is that cheating??? I am excited to be working on getting a sister for Minow. We already know that we are going to have her escorted–since only one of us could travel anyway. We will wait and travel in a few(10) years and take both of the kids back to Ethiopia to really see the country.

We are also going to continue to get pregnant ourselves. We will start fertility treatments again in April, once I have lost the last 50lbs that I want to lose–this will help with my PCOS and should increase our chances of getting pregnant. I don’t anticipate this wait being as hard as the wait for Minow, as I have him to keep me busy and I know how hard the wait can be. Plus the feeling of holding Minow for the first time is still very fresh in my mind. So, here we go again…

NOAH!!!

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 1 Comment

We have a name. It was easier than I thought it would be. We had decided early on that we would give the baby a first name and keep his African name as his middle name. I wish I knew who named him though. If I had to guess I would think that the woman who took care of him after his mother abandoned him. But either way, I think it is really important to keep his African name. It really is part of who he is.

Now the pressure game begins. Hubby and I are preparing our 2 minute drill. We have about 3/4 months before travel (I hope) and we have a kitchen to finish remodeling (installing cabinets, countertops, tile floor, and paint), a den to remodel (painting, new ceiling, and hardwood floors to install) and a nursery to finish (sanding drywall mud, prime, paint, and floor to install). Then we have trim work to finish throughout the house. Can it be done?

And on top of all of this, I am preparing for my first child. There is shopping to do, registering to do, showers to have, travel plans to make–decisions to make interms of travel. It is so overwhemling. I can’t stop looking at his beautiful face. He is going to be a heartbreaker. Oh I can’t wait to hold him and smell him and feel him warm my heart. I am so in love with him, it is like he has always been my child and it hasn’t even been 48 hours yet. This is amazing. I can’t even imagine what it will feel like when I see him in person. Oh My Gosh. I….

Pure Magic!

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 9 Comments

HojaWaka–Designed by God or Creation of GodIt was meant to be. He was born on March 31, 2006–The day before Our wedding anniversary. How perfect is that. He was 20 days old when received on April 19th. This is too perfect to not be fate. He was meant to be our son.

We could still not accept the referrall–yeah right. I am in love with him. He is my son. I had this feeling of already knowing him when I saw the picture. It was if I had already seen him. Wow. I know that sounds weird but he is ingrained in my mind, heart, and soul. There is no way I could not take him as my son. Needless to say my hubby is escatic. He can barely contain himself. He really wanted a son. I really wanted him to have a son and I wanted one as well. This is the first grandchild for my parents and the first nephew for my brothers. Everyone is ecstatic and happy for us. He will be so loved. He is already so loved. Accepting the referral is just a formality. I will have the medical info checked out by the international adoption clinic here, but I don’t know that I will wait for the info to accept. I can’t imagine they would tell me something that would change my mind.

Now the hard part. The name. We will keep his given name as his middle name as whomever gave it to him really cared for him–whether it was his birthmother, or the woman who took him in and cared for him for his first 20days of life. It is important to keep that name. It means something to me and it will to him someday as well. I can’t wrap my mind around this yet. I am in a state of euphoria. I haven’t had the emotional breakdown. I think that will happen when I see him in person and hold him the first time. Wow. I am a MOTHER. What a great gift for Mother’s Day.

Like the last kid picked for the team….

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 1 Comment

That is exactly how I feel at this moment. Like Team Motherhood is selecting players and I am the nearly the last kid on the playground to be picked. I watch as others get chosen and I wait and wait. The feelings of inferiority creep up and my self-confidence plumments. Now I know that this really isn’t how it works, and Merrily and Merelene are not looking through the line up of draft picks and putting me aside based on my lack of parental experience. But emotionally I can sympathize with every kid that was ever picked last for the team. I promise that I will teach my children to pick the kid who usually is picked last first once in a while and let those usually picked first wait it out. WAIT–what if it is my kid who is picked last. Oh this parenting thing is going to be hard. Who ever thought I was this emotional and sensitive.

I should take some consolation that referrals are happening and things are moving forward. Another family received a referral of a baby boy. Their dossier was sent out 1/25–the day before mine. I am so happy for all of the families that have received thier referrals and I do not begrudge them a moment of happiness. I am surrounded by players already selected for Team Motherhood. Both of my neighbors are pregnant, my teenage students are consistenly being chosen for the team and here I am waiting to be picked…I am begging team captain–PICK ME PICK ME…I won’t let you down.

Cold Feet

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 3 Comments

It just hit me today, as I was talking to our mechanic who so kindly is charging me $869 to fix my car that I only have one more paycheck coming. WOW. I am “retiring” from teaching to stay home with or child(ren)–whenever they may come. We will only have one income. #%&*()*@^#&^*&^#%…Insane. How will we do it? We have been a two income family for so long and we still struggle. Okay–so we have expensive tastes. Hubby plays golf nearly every weekend. I shop at a high end grocery store. I have a personal trainer. We have some debt (the curse of the middle class). There are some sacrifices we can make. We switched to prepaid cell phones… I know its a small concession, but is one just the same. I will not rehire my personal trainer when my 6 months is up–I will keep my gym membership–it is a must. We plan to scale back our directv–maybe. It is hard to imagine what life will be like.

How do you change so radically in such a short amount of time? I can’t begin to imagine how different everything will be. I know that I will adapt but how will my hubby deal with giving up golf? or lunches out at work? How will I give up protein shakes at the gym and personalized attention?

Okay, now I sound like a whiny little baby. I have slowly been prepping myself. I haven’t had a manicure or a pedicure in nearly a year. I only shop at Old Navy or Target. Shopping is a must, as I continue to lose weight. I love old navy because it is so inexpensive. I know that I might be a little old to shop there (34) but I lived in coastal Southern California for a long time and I have a true California sense of style. Jeans and t-shirts are appropriate for almost every occasion. Anyway. I am sure that I will figure it all out. We are not paupers and hubby makes a pretty living, I just know that so much is going to change and it will be hard. I must learn to be thrifty. Oh what a task that will be…

I refuse to return my latest purchases…I still have one more pay check!