Learning The Limits

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 3 Comments

That is the kids are pushing limits.  Noah has begun to push the limits and test my resolve at thing like nap and bedtime.  He is also flexing his own independence.  Hence, I have been relegated to the floor during our bedtime book reading, while Noah “reads” the book.  When I try and interject anything, “No Mom, Noah reading the book.”  Okay.  How quickly they no longer seem to need us for those things we once thoroughly enjoyed.  I loved snuggling up with Noah and reading a book or three and then putting him to bed.  Now–I sit on the floor, not allowed to read and I put him in bed and all he does is whine.  I know he just wants to see what he can get away with.  How far he can push his bedtime back.  How long mom will lay on the floor in his room while he pretends to fall asleep. 

Zoë on the other hand is pushing all the limits as she learns to do more things.  Like pull all the clea laundry out of the basket and scream with rapt abandon while she does it.  She has learned to climb up the stairs and if the gate is left open for a split second she is crawling up as fast as she can.  It is crazy.  She is close to walking, but seems content to crawl and cruise.  I use to think she would be walking any day now.  I am currently pretty sure that she won’t crawl for another month or so. 

Parenting babies is hard.  I am worn out and to be quite frank burnt out.  It’s not much different than teacher burn-out.  I give 100% of myself to my kids all day long and then again at night and then again on the weekend.  I really am living out the movie Groundhog Day.  It’s the same over and over.  I know this phase will pass.  I am looking forward to Zoë becoming a little more independent.  I am so ready to go back to work and hope that come the spring I will have a full-time job for the next year.  I am ready.  I owe to myself and my kids.  I’ll be happier when I am working outside of the home.  I often feel guilty that I cannot wait to go back to work.  I know a lot of mom’s who have to work for monetary reasons–not because, like me, they go insane staying home–and would love to be able to stay home.  I am at my ropes end and it is time. 

Parenting has taught me so much about myself.  I use to think that I might go back to work and attempt to get certified at the elementary level–no way is all I have to say to that.  I love my kids and I love spending time with them, but there is a reason I teach high school and college.   I have reached my baby parenting limit.  Hubby and I are going to adopt again, but we are going to wait 4 more years and then adopt a young sibling group–between the ages 6 and 2.  We are excited about this prospect as I don’t feel that my family is complete but I do feel that I have gotten to have the baby experience and I am kinda done with that.   I have reached my limit. 

Just a few pics of the kids from the weekend….

The Little Things

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 2 Comments

As time flies by too too quickly, I am trying to think about and appreciate the little things.  The amazing smile and giggle of my little girl who can now climb up the stairs.  They are growing up so fast.  Noah is constantly amazing me with his verbal skills–he is picking up about 5 new words a day on average and I don’t see it slowing anytime soon. 

He makes Bill’s coffee every morning–we have a one cup coffee maker.  Yesterday we were talking about making daddy’s coffee

Me: Noah you want to make daddy’s coffee?

Noah: Sure, mom.

Bill: I’m going to take a shower.

Noah: Mom, maybe daddy’s takes a shower first, then I make his coffee.

Me: Okay. 

Where does this kid get this stuff.  He’s only 2 1/2.  Today he fell at school and has a huge fat lip.  So big he is having a hard time talking.  He cried and cried…I had to go and get him at school and bring him home.  He is growing so fast and it was so hard to have him in pain (it looks like it really hurts) and not be able to do anything about it.  He was a little better when I got home from school tonight but it still hurt him.  He finally let me give him some Tylenol. 

I am trying to find a way to get back to life.  I am feeling disconnected from the world and from myself.  I have allowed myself to be too busy to take care of myself.  I have some issues to deal with and confront.  I don’t feel as though I have the strength or energy to do it right now.  Am I hiding?  Maybe.  But I am coping and getting through.  I need to face the facts and the truth.  But right now it is the little things that are getting me through until I can deal with those bigger things.

Wine, Wine, and More Wine

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 3 Comments

Had a great time on our little getaway.  It was everything we wanted and needed it to be.  Spent the day in Sonoma at one of my favorite wineries…

We got to taste directly out of the barrel–of a wine that won’t be available for consumption until 2010 (we are buying futures of this wine–that is how good it is with just over 13 months left in the barrel–OMG I can’t wait)

We had a semi-private (there were 9 people total) tour and tasting that happened inside the caves where they store the barrels.  The wine was some of the best I have ever tasted and I have tasted a lot of wine. 

We had such a good time that we were the last ones to leave the winery.  We ordered 2 cases of wine and I am waiting patiently for it’s arrival. 

The wedding the night before was fun, but the day we spent together in Sonoma–Priceless.

11-Months-Old

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 1 Comment

Dear Zoë,

A couple of weeks ago, you turned 11-months-old.  I just want to let you know to get used to me running behind schedule.  Your mother is the master at believing she can do everything.  I can’t, but I keep trying.  I promise the important things will get done on time–you know meals, dr’s appt.s.  I can’t say the same for these letters which often fall to the bottom of the list.  That fact is by no means a reflection of the love I hold for you.  Because you are the moon to Noah’s sun.  Our world wouldn’t function without either of you. 

During this past month, you have come so close to walking and have perfected speed crawling.  You are a lighting bolt and I have to watch you like a hawk.  This is the opposite of your brother.  When he was your age, he was walking (no competition here) but he wasn’t the adventurer you are.  You climb on everything–whether it is stable or not.  (Just now you fell off of non-stationary toy and got back up to try it again).  You are pushing the limits and boundaries and smile while doing it.  You love the dog water and every time I stop you by saying your name you look up at me and smile.  And in that smiling face, I see the teenage girl who is going to give me that look when I catch you sneaking out or in–if you follow in  your mom’s footsteps it will be both.   I don’t think I am looking forward to those teenage years.   

Let me apologize now for already warping your mind with television. You are enthralled with Yo Gabba Gabba and sometimes that is the only thing that will calm you down if you are super crabby.  You laugh and giggle and clap.  It is really cute.  I know what all the studies say about TV actually making young children stupid.  If that is the case, I am very sorry because we are in no way rich enough to buy your way into college.  Community college isn’t too bad.  They have some great programs. 

I have to talk about his love affair you have with your daddy.  You get this goofy smile on your face whenever he walks into the room.  No matter how intensely you were crying and screaming before he was there…he shows up and you are all sunshine and rainbows.  It’s  a little annoying.  I am slightly vindicated by the fact that you say “mamma” an never utter the “d” word (dada).  Your brother was almost 19 months before he said mamma.  So in terms of that accomplishment–you are so totally my favorite.  But it all evens out, becasue you dislike sleeping and your brother is the champion napper–so he is my favorite when it comes to sleep. 

Sleep.  Why don’t you need any?   I know you are resistant to napping now, because you are so interested in all the things you can do now that you can stand and cruise and eat all the scraps of paper off the floor and any other stray food your brother drops. I spend half of my day fishing paper that comes out of no where out of your mouth and the other half doing sacfices to the sleep gods in the hopes of you napping when your brother does or at all for that matter. 

You got to see the Ocean for the first time this month and you loved it as much as you like all water.  You spend a good part of every day standing next to the bathtub trying to will yourself in.  You were completely unphased by the sand and the fact that your brother like to cover you in it.  You handled the world traveling well, other than the sleep issues.  But as you can see that isn’t too surprising.  You are a pistol, little Miss Zoë and will continue to challenge us in ways that are totally new and exciting and frustrating.  I am so happy to have you my life and as part or our family.  You fit in seamlessly. 

Keep pushing the limits.

Love you,

Mommy