What Was He Thinking?

A short little story on our local news last night reinforced something I had always thought–if two buffalo are fighting one should not try to break up the fight. Sadly, a buffalo farmer tried to break up a fight between 2 of his buffalo when one got our of his own enclosure and entered that of the another buffalo. The farmer was gored. I don’t think he was critically injured, but who really thinks they can break up a fight between two 2,000lbs plus animals? I won’t even think of trying to break up a fight between 2 14-year-old girls much less buffalo.

Please let this be a lesson to you all.

How To Torture Your Toddler

For months now (about 3) Minnow has been going to bed on his own and awake.  He will sometimes cry until the other parent comes to hug him good night, but most of the time he just goes to sleep. 

Now napping is another story.  We didn’t have a nap routine.  Sometimes he would fall asleep in the car others he would fall asleep with me while watching a little SpongeBob.  This week I decided that whether he was falling asleep or not 12:30 is nap time.  That is when he is tired and gets really crabby.  So, on Monday it was 12:30.  I took him upstairs and explained to him that it was sleepy time.  He wasn’t having any of it.  He looked at me and screamed–so clearly wishing he could say “you are absolutely crazy woman, I am not napping.”  But he can’t talk so I could pretend I didn’t know what he was trying to communicate. 

I let him cry for a few minutes and then took up 3 of his SpongeBob books.  I figured if he wasn’t going to sleep that was fine but he was staying in his crib and read.  He read for a few minutes and fell asleep.  It was nice.  I take the books out of his crib when he wakes up from his nap, since he doesn’t need the books at night. 

To make this short story even longer…I took Minnow up to bed last night.  He was sleepy and obviously ready for bed.  He laid down and before I was down the stairs he started screaming.  And not just unhappy to be in bed screaming, but someone was torturing him screaming.  I waited a minute or two but went back up to see what the problem was…as the screaming only got louder. 

The minute I walk into his room, he says “pweeze, pweeze, pweeze.”  I look into his crib and the poor little guy is sitting in the dark, holding his books and trying to read in the dark.  Mommy forgot to remove the books and the little guy just wanted to read. 

Could This Happen To You?

Sadly, a 7-month old baby was left to die in a hot car yesterday.  The mom is a pediatrician and the dad a medical researcher.  This was not the result of neglect, but the result of multi-tasking and lack of communication.  My immediate reaction to the story was “How the hell can you forget that your child is in the car?”  Well the answer is clear–if you do not know that the child is in the car because you didn’t put the child in the car.  This tragedy could have easily been avoided.  But we have all done something that is seemingly as benign–forgetting to tell the other parent that we fed/didn’t feed the kids, etc.

This tragic story is a perfect example of just how busy we have become.  Is making it to a meeting on time really worth your child’s life.  I know the mom would say “NO” but at that moment she made the choice she didn’t know what the consequence would be.  I am not about placing blame here.  I will not do that now–as these parents have paid the ultimate price. 

I am writing about his now, as I hope to get us to think about what is really important to us as a society.  I see it all the time, not that I am never really in a hurry to get anywhere anymore.  We take risks constantly to keep up with our over scheduled lives–we speed, run red lights, weave in and out of traffic, eat fast food because we don’t have time to cook meals, etc.  When are we going to slow down and start to realize that there are more important things that are being overlooked.  We are over scheduled as adults and in turn we over schedule our kids and because of that we forget to sign a field trip form, to help with a science project, to drop our kids off at daycare. 

This tragedy becomes a little less of one, if we learn from it. Let’s look at what this family’s loss can teach us. 

Who Is Teaching Your Child? A Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing Perhaps.

I don’t mean to alarm you, but don’t assume your son or daughters teacher is above reproach.  Especially here in Missouri.  A recent audit of Missouri schools and teachers showed that many had some sort of criminal background–often including violent crimes or child abuse.  An article was published by Teacher Magazine Weekly

I once got a teacher fired because of their history of child abuse/molestation.  I was a teacher for 4 years and each year there was an incident of what is called molestation.  I taught high school and it is much trickier there, as many of the students are 17 and 18.  I will not get into a debate now about teacher/student relations.  I have never understood them.  More often than not the person in power–the teacher–is to blame.  That’s all I’ll say about that.

So my first year as a high school teacher, I was at a city school.  I’ll translate the word city for those of you who aren’t sure why that notation matters–city=poor, minority and marginalized students.  One administrator who I will call Little Mr. Big sent up a flag with me.  He talked about himself in the 3rd person, he couldn’t quite put together a grammatically correct sentence and he misspelled achievement on a bulletin board he made for the day the state auditors were coming.  To say I didn’t like him is an understatement, but I have long ago learned you aren’t always going to like the people you work with.  I ignored him most of the time and as a teacher it is generally pretty easy to close your classroom door and do your job. 

Well, I overheard some gossip. Again those of you who are teachers know that gossip is a very high commodity in a school.  If you have it people will flock to you.  I am not a gossip really, but I do like to listen to gossip.  I will/can admit that.  So, I heard a rumor that Little Mr. Big had been fired from a previous school district, in a state just across the river for child molestation.  I was appalled by this.  I couldn’t believe that our system was so fucked up that it couldn’t find out the true history, or that if it did it would look the other way. 

So, I set out to do some digging. It didn’t take me long.  I went to the online archives of our local paper and did a quick search. It returned 3 results in a matter of seconds.  I purchased the articles that revealed the Little Mr. Big had been let go from his previous teaching job for promising a student an A if he had sex with him.  The student was male.  The student was smart and told his parents, who in turn told the police.  The police set up a sting operation and arrested Little Mr. Big at the hotel with the boy.  Little Mr. Big didn’t go to jail, but we sentenced to probabtion and a condition of his probabtion was that he was no longer to ever work with children again.  Well here he was 8 years later working with students, young students in a position of authority. 

I printed out the articles and delivered them to my principal.  Two days later he was fired.  It was a big step for me.  I thought about how maybe in 8 years he had changed.  I thought maybe I should give him the benefit of the doubt.  Maybe if I had like him I might have.  I questioned my motives for a long time and finally came to grips with the fact that it was my professional responsibility as a teacher to protect my students.  Little Mr. Big was a predator. 

It saddens me that this happens at all and with any frequency.  But education is fraught with corruption.  School districts don’t want a blight on their record. They reassign teachers/staff who seemingly have problems or have been accused.  In the absence of evidence I think this is good, as it is never like a student hasn’t lied to hurt a teacher that they feel wronged them.  But educators and schools tend to overlook issues.  Districts will release teacher and administrators promising them that if they just go work at another district they will give them a recommendation.  Where is the accountability?  What are we teaching our students/children? 

Welcome To My New Home

I have been thinking for some time now that I needed a new home/title.  I have written previously that when I started this blog originally I did it to chronicle the adoption of our first son.  That is done. Our son has been with us for one year and I have found myself every increasingly writing about topics, etc. that are not adoption related. That is not to say that I won’t continue to write about adoption, as we are in the process of another adoption.  But having been through one already, I find that I need to write less and less about adoption and more and more about the issues in my life and the world that interest me. 

I decided that an overhaul was needed.  And I really wanted it.  My orignal blog Family Found holds a special place in my heart and in my life.  It will stay up for the time being, as I wait or the design of my new home to be finished.  But this blog/site will be more about me and who I am, etc  I am a mother, a wife, a teacher, a graduate student, a woman.  You will see from the title of this site that I have some delusions of grandeur.  Over the last few months I have come to terms with my role as all of the aforementioned categories.  I have accepted that I am not perfect and cannot be perfect.  Perfection can not be achieved here on earth.  Buddha taught that the way to eliminate suffering begins with understanding the true nature of the world.  I am not looking to end the suffering of other, lets be honest that is a task too great for anyone. But I have started to eliminate my own suffering by understanding that as a woman, wife, mother, teacher, student, I cannot be perfect. I cannot do it all at the sametime.  I have been trying to do it all and failing miserably at all of it.  I am beginning to understand for myself what the true nature of the world is.  That is part of the reason for the new name.  And to be honest as well, it is catchy and I wanted something catchy. 

I did not search online to see if the monniker had been taken.  If it has and it was taken by you…I’m sorry.  I am not trying to steal your thunder.  Interneters do not think that I wanted to poach someone elses identity.  I had a long list of names for this new site and after really looking at where I am in life right now and my whole outlook on life I really felt that this was perfect for me.  I am sure there are many Dalai Mama’s out there.  I am just the next reincarnation.  That is how I look at it. 

Please bare with the blandness of the site as it is being designed and should be up and running at full force in about a month.  I am working with a talented designer from Swank Web Style and am looking forward to having the site professionally designed. 

Stay tuned.  I will be cross-posting my posts until the move is complete.