I wonder if I have really done this. I mean coming to terms with my(our) infertility. I was reading the August 2006 Adoptive Families and the piece in the back title “Just Adopt” by Sarah Kelly really got me thinking. Not just about my own view of adoption but about the view of others. There are those who are “sorry” for us that we “have to” adopt–even though this is something that hubby and I had always planned on doing. I had to ask myself if I feel that way. It is really important to understand how one feels about particular milestones in their lives. I always thought that I would give birth to my first child. I also always knew I would adopt.

The question remains, have I come to terms with my infertility? I think I have. Hubby and I will start another adoption as soon as we complete this one–but we will also try IVF to have a biological child. Does this need to try for a bio child mean I have not accepted my infertility? Does it mean that somehow I am “settling” for adoption?

I don’t know that I have the answer to that question. I think the answer lies in my heart and the connection that I feel when I look at photo of my son. He is my son in every way that matters. I look at him and I cannot remember what life was like not yet knowing he existed. That must mean I have gone into this with pure intentions. I want to be a mother. I long to be a mother, I was meant to be a mother. There is no doubt that I was meant to be Noah’s mom.

The long journey to our son has strengthened my marriage, my serentity, my courage and will. I know I can perserve. I look at Noah and feel something that cannot be known or explained to those who are not parents. I am his mom. He is my son and no one should ever pity us that we had to adopt. We chose to adopt.

As Ms. Kelly wrote in her piece, “we found a way to our son and he found his way to us.” This sentiment is all the comfort one needs to warm the heart and know our family is exaclty as the universe intended.

Thank you Nancy and Len. Isn’t he gorgeous???

We got our long awaited update and Anne and Steve got thier baby. Check it out at www.wmfamily.typepad.com. They waited a really long 32 weeks for the referral of their sweet baby girl. Oh. I am so happy for them. And I feel slightly ashamed that I waited half as long as she did and I was a raging, crabby, neurotic bitch about it. She handled it with much more grace than I did. Yes you did Anne trust me. Congrats!!!!! You and your daughter are very blessed. If only she could know now how much you already love her. I too hope that you make it to court before it closes. I am pulling that you will be in Group T.

Well, the dog interview was yesterday and they did great. They were acutally a little shy and quite frankly scared to death. I think they thought I was going to leave them there. I got home from work and we left immediately. When I got home I found that they had fed themselves some rawhides–well not really some a whole frickin’ bag and they got in trouble. Then I take them to this strange place and hand them over immediately to some strange woman who takes them out into this huge yard with 15 other dogs. What they must have thought with those little brains of theirs. But they have been accepted to this new boarding facility which is actually great. It will almost be like being at home–well not really but I will tell myself that. When we go to Ethiopia they will get to be there with their cousins–my brother’s dogs–and that will be nice for them.

Hubby survived another day in the salt mines of IT hell. As his boss is on his honeymoon and hubby now has his own work to do plus everything that his boss did as hubby is the right and left hand man of his boss. He is totally stressed out but making it through. Thank goodness–as his life insurance hasn’t kicked in yet—HAHA just kidding honey.

2 more days of work left after today. I can hardly believe that my teaching career as I know it is coming to an end soon. I have decided to hurry up and finish my MA in English and then will be going on for my Ed.D in Educational Leadership. Someone has to change the world. It might as well be me. I am already planning out my dissertation study. How geeky am I? I have the blessing of hubby to continue my education in this way as he wants to help me change the world. Bill and Melinda Gates get your checkbook ready as you are going to fund my study. You don’t know it yet, but my ideas will blow you away. A girl can dream can’t she?

The first picture was taken June 28th and the second July 11th. He seems to be doing well. Since May 2nd he has gained nearly 2 lbs and 2 inches. He is up to 9.26lbs and 23.2″. He is just a tiny little thing. He is eating and sleeping good and becoming more active. They claim he loves to smile but does not ever seem to cooperate for the camera. I am so happy to know his size and how he is progressing. I can now rest easy that all of the clothes I have for him are all too big. WooHoo more shopping.

Only 3 more days of work left. I have experienced my last sucky Monday because here on out I don’t have to leave the house on Mondays if I don’t want to . It isn’t at all bittersweet. I am so happy to be moving on. I will have to revisit this post as I am pinching pennies longing to order pizza or chinese food because I am totally exhausted from taking care of my precious baby boy.

I registered us for a infant and child care for adoptive parents class. It starts on August 1st and runs for 4 tuesdays for 2 1/2 hours each tuesay. The class is led by an RN and has guest speakers for each class. I am excited to have access to a resource just for adopted parents. I am hoping it is good and that I learn a lot and maybe come away with a few names of pediatricians and some other new adoptive moms to talk too.

We are having our shower this weekend. I am very excited. I can’t wait to see what we get and what we still need. I want to hurry up get everything ready. I want to play with all the baby stuff. How exciting. Christmas is coming in the middle of July. It will also be a great to see and spend time with all of our family and friends to celebrate the little one entering our lives. I know things are going to drastically changing and I cannot wait. I welcome the adventure and challenge. Bring it on…