Be Proud–But Only In Target Markets

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / Leave a comment

Last week Amalah wrote this post on Moxiebird about Old Navy’s Pride Tee that they are launching for June (Pride month) and for the “It gets better” project.  I was so excited.  I couldn’t wait to run out (aka–online to old navy) and get one for each of the kids and one for myself.  But then I found out that they were only selling the shirts in stores.  Okay, so I’ll just run out to one of the 6 or so Old Navy’s in my city.

WAIT.  They are only available at 26 stores.  26 stores in only 21 cities.  Are these the only cities where folks are allowed to be proud?  My city has a large Pridefest celebration.  But we can’t buy an Old Navy Pride Tee?  That sucks.  What would I tell my kids if they were older–sorry kids we have to move in order to celebrate your uncle or any one who loves differently.

I am sure they did some sort of location testing to see what markets would want the shirts and which ones wouldn’t.  But seriously, they couldn’t make them available online.  I am so disappointed in Old Navy and their choice to only sell in certain markets.  I know a lot of people who would have bought these shirts in my city.

Come on Old Navy–let us all be PROUD.

I Can Be Happy With A “B”

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 1 Comment

I could not have read two more perfect posts today.  My husband (dad, brothers, mom) are always telling me to mellow out and relax with the kids.  I am constantly micro-managing them and it’s really a bit insane.  One because they are really good kids and two….well it’s just insane.  It makes me high strung as I watch their every move or am I high strung because I watch their every move.  I use to think it was because my kids are clearly adopted and I didn’t want to seen as a “bad” parent.  I am totally capable of letting them be kids and relaxing at the park, etc.  But sometimes, also know as meal-time, I get a bit over-bearing.  The other times when we are in public (grocery store, zoo, etc) I can be a bit controlling and hyper aware of every move they make.

I am leaving on a business trip today and I need to relax and come back ready to be a “mellow” parent and a bit more type B and way less type A.  Because my kids and I deserve a break.

 

Another End, Another Beginning

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / Leave a comment

Today Noah walked across the playground, through the dinning hall, and through the classroom doors of Newport for the last time. He will walk out of his classroom today a kindergartener.  I don’t know how this happened.  Time has gone too fast.

On the first day of school this year

Noah you have grown so much.  You started the year still a little boy.  Now you can read a few words, tell stories, and solve problems.  You have learned so much and most of it through your own desire and need to learn things.  You have continued to build the friendships that were started last year and you are such a good friend.  You also have begun to figure out what you want and to make sure you get it.  You are ready for kindergarten.  I have no doubt you will continue to flower and grow and amaze me and make me proud to be your mother.

End of school–how he has grown

You are growing up so good.  Last week, one of your new teachers came up to me to tell me how excited she is to get to have you in kindergarten next year.  It made me proud to know that you have made relationships with the entire TCS family.  As you walk down the halls and the older kids say “Hi Noah, how are you?” it reaffirms that we selected the right school for you and our family.  You smile and say hi back and it is clear that you have found a place in this world that has accepted and embraced you.  That is so important.

Keep flourishing my little man.  Keep growing.  Keep learning. Keep loving life and learning.

The Dangers of Blogging

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 5 Comments

Well it has finally happened.  This little space here of mine on the internet has caused a bit of a family scandal.  This post has caused a bit of a ruckus.   I have lived in this space for over 5 years, writing about all aspects of my life–the good, the bad, the embarrassing, and the ugly.  There are plenty of things I don’t blog about.  On principle and out of respect for my husband–I don’t blog about him personally or about the intimate details of our relationship.  I don’t write specifics about my family that aren’t commonly know facts or something I would feel comfortable saying to their face.

My family is not into this whole internet thing and my brothers have always thought and expressed how stupid they think blogging is.  I haven’t readily shared the link to my blog with family–not because I want to hide what I am writing, but because this space is mine and I’m going to write what I need to and some people don’t understand that.  This is my personal space–notice I did not say private–where I express my opinions, feelings, hopes and dreams for my kiddos, my perspective on problems, so on and so on.  This means that some people might be offended at my truth.

This post couldn’t be more innocuous.  It states simple facts–that are simple and straight forward–they are not judgements.  I don’t judge my parents because of the circumstances of my life.  They did the best they could–they were young parents and I can’t imagine raising kids at a young age and they stayed together for us as kids and they worked hard to make sure we had what we needed.  I got soccer trips and vacations, etc.  This post wasn’t about what my parents did or didn’t do; it was a post about what I did.  I will not feel bad celebrating my accomplishments.  Did my parents help me with photography school?  Yes.  Did I finish–no because I couldn’t afford it.  There are many things that my parents did–good and bad–that have made me the person I am today.  But I went back to school at 25–on my own.  I fought to raise the grades I had after getting kicked out of community college when I was 19.  I worked my ass off–going to school full-time and working full-time.  I pulled all-nighters writing papers and reading.  I bought my first computer.  These are things I did on my own and to say that doesn’t diminish the fact that my parents raised me.  It doesn’t change any of that.

There are a variety of reports–but only ~30% of PhD recipients are first-generation college students.  So out of every 100 PhD’s awarded approximately 30 or less are first-generation college students.  To get kicked out of community college (at 19) and to then persist on to a PhD is a very unlikely story.  The odds were stacked against me and I know that better than anyone.  But I fought for something I thought was immensely important.  I fought.  I borrowed and leveraged.  Maybe some would say it was foolish to borrow so much for an education.  Maybe some will say I would have been better off settling.  But I have ambitions and will follow them.  I did it to prove to myself that I could and because it is something I want.  I didn’t ask for help.  I did it on my own and I am not sorry for that.  Is that to say my parents weren’t factors?  Or my husband?  No–but they weren’t the ones doing the work.  It was me and no one can take that away from me.

This very well has cost me my relationship with one of my brothers.  That is something I will live with.  I don’t want or need someone in my life (family or not) who doesn’t respect me and judges me based on one blog post out of 905.  I will not be responsible for how others feel.  I am responsible for myself.  I considered just pulling the plug on this whole blog thing.  But no.  This is my space.  This is my life and I have nothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed of.  I’m sorry if there are some who think I do.

Transitioning Identity

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 2 Comments

Today, I officially walked across the threshold. I have transitioned from student to doctoral candidate. I no longer have classes to take. Okay I just need a moment to soak that up……..

Okay.  Wow that feels good.  I have been a student nearly my entire life.  This final transition marks the end of 17 years of continually being enrolled–undergrad, masters, now doctorate.  This is a hugely defining moment.  No more homework.  No more assignments or intellectual endeavors that are based on what a professor wants.  No one to answer to except my own deadlines.  Which I have.  I plan to be hooded Dec 2012.  I’ll work hard to get there.  I have worked hard to get where I am.  The daughter of a high school drop out and a high school graduate.  I am the first to go to college in my family (extended family on my dad’s side) and the first to finish on either side.

I can look back and talk ab0ut how amazed I am that I have been able to accomplish it and it is worth every bit of the well over 100k it has cost me over the last 17 years.  I put myself through school and it wasn’t cheap.  My parents were never in a situation to help me through school–financially or academically.  Everything I did, I did on my own through my own hard work and determination.  I didn’t have fancy schools or parents to foot the bill (oh how that would have been nice).  But I did it and none of that matters.  I’ll smile when I pay off my last student loan at age 70 (hell, I’m laughing a bit now about that).

Today, I say good-bye to being a student and hello to the future.  One more transition to make–doctoral candidate to PhD.  Can’t wait for that one, but am going to enjoy this phase.