Ah, They Beat You Darling

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / Leave a comment

Noah is on Spring Break this week and while I was able to work from home on Monday and hang with him, I couldn’t yesterday.  He was suppose to go to the babysitter’s with Zoë.  Well, I emailed my hubby mid-morning to remind him of something and he told me he kept the kids home.  My first thought was a bit of irritation–really keeping them home.  I know how it went down.  Noah cried that he didn’t want to go and then Zoë joined in to (and she has him wrapped around his little finger) and so on.  My husband does not deal well with the crying and if they do it long enough he usually gives in–this irritates me because once the crying and whining starts–NO is always the answer from me.  ALWAYS.

Then my irritation quickly turned into amusement.  Because not only did he have to balance work and the kids–I have class on Tuesday nights and wouldn’t be home to save him from his poor decision making until it was about bedtime.  I know it’s hard to make your kids unhappy–but that is so totally what a parent’s job is 3/4 of the time.  I would love to be able to give my kids everything they want and to make life easy and happy all the time.  But that is not reality and to be honest–that isn’t doing them any favors.  I know Noah doesn’t like going to the sitter’s because he is the oldest one there because it is mostly little kids.  He doesn’t have the freedom there that he does at school and I get it, but I’ll be damned if I am going to let him stay home because he doesn’t like it.

I know…maybe that is harsh and I should be more accommodating but I can’t be.  I don’t think that would be good for my son.  Because there will be days he doesn’t want to go to school or work and he’ll have to regardless and I believe that he can understand that now.  I also don’t want to start to condition him to the idea that he can cry and get his way–I am not about to go down that road and I am going to beat that into my darling husband as well.  Zoë tried it this morning–“Daddy I am going to miss you.” with tears streaming down her little fact.  Oh it just grabs your heart–but then I tell her lets go and she is fine.  She has learned that crying gets her what she wants and that has got to stop.

I am hoping my husband learned his lesson–the kids will not be staying home this summer–at all.  But I still find it a little bit funny.

60 Months Ago It All Started

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 1 Comment

I started this blog.  It started as an adoption blog, because it seemed everyone who was adopting had a blog and as a writer it made sense.  I have met some amazing people through this blog (this is the second iteration of my blog).  It is different now than it was originally.  It has evolved and is currently in a state of flux.

It’s not a just a mommy blog.  I write about education and race and politics and society.  I also write about my kids.  I don’t write much about my marriage (as that is personal and private–unless hubs pisses me off) and I don’t write much about my family. This blog is my own personal space and I don’t have as many readers as I would like–those days I shoot up to 200 visits a day make me smile, but the visits are usually much much much less than that and I’m okay with that.  I didn’t start my blog to have it become a job or a way to support my family.  I applaud those who have the time and talent for that.  I started this as a place to share my thoughts on infertility and my adoption journey in hopes of finding others to share the journey with and I have made some amazing friends (who know who they are).

I can’t imagine not having this space.  I have considered it during those months when life seemed so crazy and busy that there was just no way I could ever find time to write here.  But, I could never let it go.  I couldn’t say good-bye.  This space is like that best friend you can b.s. with and share life’s crazy moments and the hard moving ones too.

This blog as seen me through many milestones:

Noah’s Adoption
Zoë’s Adoption
Noah becoming an official citizen
Graduation from Grad School w/Master’s Degree
Quitting work
Going back to work
Gaining Weight
Losing Weight
Gaining Weight
Losing Weight
Vacations
Century Rides
Etc…

I love my blog and the friends I have made.  I know there are many of you who read and don’t comment–but in honor of my 5th Blog Anniversary–Please do stay, have a glass of wine and say Hi.

Who Doesn’t Want 10 Dollar Cotton Candy?

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 3 Comments

Me.  That’s who.  On Saturday, we went to Disney on Ice.  My aunt–who is totally awesome–works at a local radio station and is able to get awesome tickets to most of the kids events that come through town that my kids would love to go to but that I am not buying tickets for because my kids already have done more stuff in their short number of years than I did through my teen years.  My aunt love my kids and loves to take them to these things (she is dying for grand kids I think, but it’s going to be a while and my kids are pretty awesome).  Anyway.  I have learned my lesson and I know prep my kids before we go by telling them they can each have one snack to eat and NO TOYS–because I have that middle class syndrome of getting my kids too much crap and then wondering where the hell all my money went.

Zoë asked if she could have cotton candy as her snack and I said sure.  We get there and of course the only people selling cotton candy are the Disney sellers and the stadium stands are only allowed to sell certain items.  So, I ask for cotton candy and the guys gives me a relatively small bag of air and sugar and asks for 10 dollars.  TEN DOLLARS.  Are you freakin’ kidding me?  It’s sugar and air.  It did have a rubber Flounder (from The Little Mermaid) top to it, but seriously–I only wanted cotton candy.

Then Noah of course wants his snack.  He wants a sno cone.  I choke a little when I look at the price of the sno cone in the Mickey Mouse souvenir cup-15 dollars.  FIFTEEN DOLLARS.  It’s ice and sugar water.  Really.  I know I am paying for the cup, but I told my kids we weren’t buying anything except snacks.  But the Disney and other people have caught on and now they sell snacks with souvenir’s integrated so they can charge you an arm and a leg.

I am certainly not a cheap person.  I don’t mind spending money, but really?  I can’t even take my kid to a show without being forced to spend money on something if I want to buy them something completely unhealthy and fun to eat?  That is what irritates me.  Is that the choice has been taken away and it sucks.  I won’t even start on the 7 dollars I paid for a fountain soda.  I know they are in business to make a profit and I can respect that, but really??? I now know why so many people don’t take their kids to these things.  I know for sure that next time, I’ll be packing my own snacks and forgoing the 10 dollar cotton candy and 5 dollar pretzels.

A Comedy Of Errors

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 2 Comments

Sometimes I feel as though I have been given someone else’s life–or that perhaps I stole it.  Nothing in my life is how I imagined it years and years ago when I was young and dreamy and a bit stupid about life and well, most things.

I often wonder how I go to where I am.  Where I am is really awesome and I am happy but it’s just so different than what I had imagined for my life.  In some ways I feel so lucky and in other ways I feel cheated and in still others deserving.  It is hard to explain, but I guess what it really means is that I don’t always feel comfortable in my skin or life for that matter.

I know this is making little sense but it reminds of Shakespeare’s A Comedy of Errors, which is one of my all time favorite plays of the bard.  As though I am accidentally living someone else’s  life and they are living mine and one day we will run into each other and the truth will all be exposed and I’ll have to give up everything that is so awesome.  It’s an unnerving feeling and I’d really like it to go away.

Maybe I feel this way because I’m getting older.  Maybe I feel this way because I can actually see the end of this work that I am doing towards my PhD and reality is setting in that soon, I’ll have to get a job.  Not that I don’t have a job now, but I’ll have to actually decide what I want and make decisions that will affect everyone in my life.  Maybe I don’t want to have to make those decisions.  Maybe my feelings of uneasiness are really feelings of fear.  Fear that the degree and credentials won’t change that I’m a fake in my own world.

Too deep for a Friday