Enjoying The “Calm”

August 7, 2009 / Dawn Kasal-Finley / 3 Comments

I have two weeks left before the chaos that is my life starts and picks up again. I have one more semester of pure and utter pain and chaos and then I am hoping things will settle down to a manageable amount. This coming semester is going to be crazy. I will be working my 20 hour a week grad assistantship, teaching 3 classes at the community college (also during the day), having office hours for those courses, taking the kids and picking them up from school (limiting my work time from 8:45 am and 2:30 pm) and take classes M/T/W nights from 5:30-8:10, supervise student teachers and still have time to see my children, husband, do homework, grade papers, and prep for teaching.

Sounds crazy doesn’t it. I know. But this is my last hectic semester–aka the last semester I have to take more than one night class. I don’t know how much of the other will really change much but at least I’ll be able to be at home in the evenings so that my family doesn’t forget what I look like. I know that my predicament is of my own design–if I wasn’t set on sending Noah to private school–I wouldn’t need to work three jobs on top of going to school. I am getting so close to being finished with my PhD and I try to ward off my mommy guilt by reminding myself that my kids have a great dad who is wonderful with them on the nights that I am not home and that they are so young they aren’t going to much remember that I am gone so much at night. If I put school off or stretched it out–Noah would get to the age where he would begin to notice my absences.

So for now, I am going to enjoy being at home and maybe take a nap…

21-Months-Old

August 5, 2009 / Dawn Kasal-Finley / 2 Comments

Dear Zoë,

Two days ago you turned 21-months-old. That is 21-months going on 3 or 4. You are a personality to be reckoned with and you never let us forget it. You are at that age where you are so rapidly changing and developing. You shine so bright that it is impossible not to notice you and become washed in your zest for life. Your smile and laugh are infectious and you consistently crack yourself up over and over.

You have really ceased being a toddler and are rapidly becoming a little girl. A little girl who likes dolls and cars, pushing strollers and pushing spiderman or batman, who loves lip glass (thanks for that grandma anne) and getting dirty. But most of all you love to have fun and you have a lot of it. You dance and wrestle with your big brother–and he loves that. You will stand by the back door for as long as it takes for someone to come look for you and take you outside. You would live outside if you could. You want to be outside all of the time doing all sorts of things–but mostly playing in the kiddie pool and swinging. You’ll have me push you in the swing until I want to poke my eyes out with spoons. You and Noah both would swing all day. All. Day. Just so you know it is great that you like to be outside and that you don’t enjoy watching much tv. But your mom does love watching tv. How I miss TV. Oh, wait this is a letter for you.

You are still such a tiny little thing. Which blows my mind as you eat like a linebacker and would be happy to have a constant stream of food going into your mouth. You will eat just about anything we give you–unlike your brother who doesn’t venture out of the hot dog, avocado, noodle, cheese, grapes food groups. You are a champion eater. Thank goodness eating is the one thing you do on your own with out any consulatation with your older brother. This is the only thing that you don’t consult/copy your brother on. You have to do everything Noah does. Still. I should count myself lucky that your brother is a pretty good kid. You have recently begun singing and since you really don’t have enough actual speech ability to sing all of the words its a cross between humming and singing. “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” and the “ABC’s” are your two songs of choice and often you combine them and it is pretty funny. Cute but funny.

We have added a kitten to the house and it has been a few weeks (maybe a month) but you love that kitty and it is pretty cute. You look for her and call out for her. She comes to you often–she must love being manhandled by toddlers becuase she doesn’t complain. You do have a scratch or two–but you are learning to not grab and to be gentle. You are learning slow–not beause you are being mean to the kitty but because you want to hug her–aka squeeze her. Your love of animals is amazing. You seek out any animal you can and you want to hug it and pet it and kiss it. You are not afraid. Maybe you will share my love of animals and become a veternarian and I can live vicariously through you.

You are growing so fast and it is hard to believe how much you have changed from that confused and scared little baby girl who came home nearly 14 months ago. You are beginning to blossom and your flower is gorgeous.

Love you,

Mommy

41-Months-Old and Three Years Ours

August 4, 2009 / Dawn Kasal-Finley / 1 Comment

Dear Noah,

It was three years ago today that the Ethiopian courts officially added you to our family as Hojawaka William Finley. It was certainly one of the best days of my life. A few days ago you turned 41-months-old. It is so hard for me to believe how fast you are growing and changing. You are amazing and hilarious and you certainly make me laugh more than you make me mad–so that’s a good thing.

You are now officially a boy–you are all about Spider-man, Batman and Ironman now and anything that has to do with being a boy. It is cute and funny. You saved up your sleep fairy money and managed to buy yourself a Batman Helicopter and are convinced that Batman, Spiderman and Ironman are bad guys. I try over and over again to tell you that they are good guys who fight the bad guys but you are insistent in your view of the world and that they are bad guys. But you like them anyway because they shoot webs and fly. You have informed me that you can’t do those things but that you like to pretend to shoot webs and fly and that someday you will be big and strong like them and will be able to do all that they do. Well, it is good to have goals little man.

You can now ride your trike and drive your car around the block without any help from me or dad in terms of steering. We just tell you to keep in on the road and you correct us that “its not a road mom it’s a sidewalk.” It’s quite funny. You can pedal your trike the whole way around the block and you are so proud of yourself when you do it. I’m pretty sure you would do it all the time if I was at home and we would let you.

Being your mom is a real pleasure and I have loved every minute of it. You continue to grow and blossom and this month you got to spend some great time with your Grannie Sue and cousins and had a blast. You have met you fellow classmates from Big Boy school and are excited about going. You learned all the lyrics to “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” and “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” and you sign the contantly (I’ll post the video of it soon). You love to play games and are in love w/Dayton your next door neighbor. The two of you cry and scream if you can’t play together because it is dark, or dinner time, or 6:30 in the morning. It is so sweet. You continue to be an awesome big brother and you love your sister so much. You play so nice with her and give her lots of hugs and kisses and you teach her how to share–You take what she has and when I tell you to give it back you say, “But I want to share with her.” It is cute how the 3-year-old mind works. But it is only sharing if you take turns not take it from her.

I am proud to be your mama. I am proud you are my son. Keep growing and playing and laughing.

I love you baby,

Mom–(as you have stopped calling me mommy)

Looking Over Our Shoulder

July 31, 2009 / Dawn Kasal-Finley / 1 Comment

Things are really going well for us–aside from the mounting student loan debt (please it will soon surpass our modest mortgage in size) and the cost of private school. If you don’t factor in those things, then by all accounts our lives are pretty perfect–oh wait, I am also an awful house keeper and I want so badly to be able to pay someone to following me around and pick up all the crap that seems to swirl around me like the dirt did around Pig Pen from Charlie Brown. Hubby’s job is finally good–two mergers later and he is content with his position and actually really really excited about where his job is going. Our kids are growing and developing and are just really awesome kids who are so fun to be around–aside from that occasional 3-year-old just shoot me now please tantrum.

Noah is starting school in 4 weeks. We leave on our cruise in 5 weeks w/my mom and brothers. I am working and am happy about working–not as happy about my job as I am actually getting out of the house and to work. I am teaching part-time still and will be supervising student teachers. Then end of my Phd program is in sight and while 5 or 6 semesters may seem like a long time–for someone who has been in school consistently since 1994–5 or 6 semesters is really a walk in the park.

So, when is the proverbial shit going to hit the fan? I don’t necessarily think it will–I am an optimist and pretty happy person. But I am married to Chicken Little and he spends most of his time thinking the sky is falling. Hubby is working hard at trying to enjoy life and enjoy the happiness, but he is uncomfortable with it as he isn’t use to feeling happy on a daily basis. So, he is looking over his shoulder waiting for the first shoe to drop which most certainly will be an indicator of impending apocalypse for us all.

But until then, I am not going to look over my shoulder–because when I do all I see is that my ass still isn’t as small as I’d like to be.

I Am Shrinking And Other Randomness

July 29, 2009 / Dawn Kasal-Finley / 2 Comments

I am officially down 22. 2lbs in just over 4 months. Working out with my trainer 2 days a week and working hard at eating healthy and watching my calorie intake has also helped. I hate to post about it, as I have done in the past. Because I continually have failed in the past at keeping weight off and on reaching my long term goal. But I am happy and proud and feel like I really am on the right track and will be at my goal weight before my 39th birthday–August 31, 2010. I have 89.2lbs to go. I know it is a long road and I am up for the challenge. It has taken me a while to find a plan/way of eating that works with my super busy schedule. I work during the day and then I have class at night–this coming semester I will have class on M/T/W nights from 5:30-8:10 and I will have to figure out how to have dinner and have it be a healthy dinner w/out having to eat out on the way–Panera and Whole Food’s hot bar are my eating on the go places of choice.

I am committed to sticking with it. I know it is what I need to do to not only fell happier w/ myself but also what I need to do to be a healthy example for my children. As more and more kids in this country are overweight and obese, I want to make sure that I am leading by example for my children. I am happy that my kids will go to a school where healthy food is the norm and parents are expected to pack healthy lunches for their kids–there isn’t a cafeteria. Parents are expected to bring in healthy snacks when it is their week for snacks.

_________________________________

Babies, babies, babies are everywhere. My cousin just had a baby and she is a doll. I got to see her and hold her when she was all of about 12 hours old. It really got my baby desires going. Oh…the miracle of birth amazes me and I have moments when I am so overwrought with sadness that I have not had the opportunity/ability to gestate and grow a baby in my womb. The ache doesn’t last long–or maybe it just dulls and I am able to ignore it–but I have moments when I want nothing more than to pregnant and push a baby out of my girlie parts. But then, my son wakes me up at 3 am just so I can take him back to bed and I wake up a few hours later so tired that it’s to hard to even make oatmeal and I think. Why did I wait so long to have kids?

I don’t regret the time hubby and I spent enjoying life and our marriage, but now that I am old–in terms of fertility, I wish we had started earlier–much earlier. Because then I could have more of these…

But now I am just too tired…

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