Damnit, I Thought I Had More Time

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 10 Comments

before I had to deal with one of the toughest questions I imagine will come my way.  We were on our way to the park yesterday and we talked about playing with the other kids and this is what my 3-year-old (not every 3 1/2 yet) asked–“Mom, will the other kids think I am different because my skin is brown?”  This comes on the heels of this comment the night before–“Mom, I want to be white like you.”

Both of these comments from my son who is only 40-months-old, literally broke my heart.  I just kept thinking, he is too young to deal with these issues yet.  I am not ready for him to be dealing with these issues.  There is nothing like feeling you are prepared and then finding out that you brought a knife to a gun fight.

We talked about being different and being the same and that there are lots of ways that we are different and lots of ways that we are the same.  We talked about how he was born in Ethiopia and that the amazing people in Ethiopia all have shades of brown skin and how his sister is also brown but a lighter brown and how his skin color is a way to always feel connected to Ethiopia and the woman that gave birth to  him and land that gave birth to all of us.

I asked him why he asked if he was different or if kids would think he was different?  Well, his best friend who will be 3 next month is a very very white little girl and they run around together all the time-mostly in as few clothes as possible and it is easy for him to see the difference in pictures of them.  I asked him how it made him feel to be different and when he sad said I asked him why.  He wants to be just like his friends.  So, I asked him if he was sad that Dayton didn’t have a penis?  I know a weird question, but when you are dealing with such complex issues with a kid who can only really see the surface–I needed something.  He laughed and said “No, she’s a girl.  Girls don’t have penises.”  We talked a little more about it and pointed out as many differences as we could about all of us and about how it is important to have people be different.

I think it went well, but it makes me realize how viciously I want to protect him from everything and how I can’t and most importantly how I don’t and can’t understand how he feels being a brown kid in a mostly white world.

So, Internets–give me your words of wisdom and experience.  Let’s help each other out.

Beyond Jaded And Disillusioned

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 1 Comment

The essence of passion is an engagement and willingness to change.  There is little honor in holding back, limiting participation, accepting mediocrity, and finding comfort in the status quo.  With passion, we engage our soul and our being in this work, along with our mind and our body.  With passion, we reclaim our hope and belief in the possibility of a future devoid of racial injustice–a future governed by equity and anti-racism.  With passion, we survive the conflict, the lack of support, and the passive resistance that comes with challenging institutionalized racism in our schools.  And with passion, we will have the strength not only to stand up for what is right for our children, but to what is right for them as well.–Singleton and Linton, Courageous Conversations about Race.

I have been at work at my job for 7 full weeks now and I can say, that while I was excited about the job and the prospects for it and for making a change in education–I am not depressed by the way my hands are tied by those who I work under.  My job as Charter School Liaison to to hold our schools accountable both to the law and to education.  But really, we only care about the law–as we as an institution are not interested in finding our passion–I am not even sure those above me have the passion for education.  This depresses me beyond belief. I have a passion for education–the whole of my doctoral work and MA work was about ways to give a better education to the disadvantaged and under-served students.  I have a really hard time sitting by and accepting less than mediocrity.

The whole purpose behind the charter school movement was to offer options for parents who had few.  But not just options–better options, more innovative options.  What we have ended up with in education is a bunch of charter schools that function just like our traditional schools.  Our charter school (we have three more schools opening this fall) has less than 30% of its students proficient in English and math.  Yet because they are the highest performing charter school in the city and they are better than the majority of the public school options for students, we hold them up on this pedestal as though they are doing a fantastic job.  They aren’t.  But because parents keep signing their kids up and are not questioning the education their kids are getting and we as their sponsor are not willing to say–hey these scores suck–I am left feeling dissatisfied and guilty for allowing this to continue.  I want/need to be making a difference.  I am not and it sucks.

What also sucks is that the black kids in our more affluent districts are scoring just as bad at the high school level–anywhere between 13.6%-36.7% proficient in English and 14.9%-56.8% in math.  Compared to 58.7%-74.3% proficient in English and 75.8%-87.7% proficient in math for white students.  The discrepancy is horrid and I am so tired of the status quo being allowed to continue because we look at scores in aggregate and don’t bother to read the fine print.

These numbers are enough to support my reason for not wanting my minority children in a public school.  I need to be out there making a change and not in my cube checking off statute compliance.  This year needs to move fast so I can maybe get to the work of educating kids and then to educating teachers about the biases we hold and how that hurts the minority.

Reclaiming Our Bed–Thank You Sleep Fairy

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 2 Comments

We have reclaimed our bed.  Well, we are in the process of reclaiming it and we are pretty close to claming success.  But I have learned to not claim success too soon.  That can really backfire on you.  The whole bed sharing thing started off innocent enough out of our utter laziness.  Noah would wake up and come down to our bed in the middle of the night and being two people who love sleep and have gotten use to sleeping through the night would let him climb up and sleep with us.  Well, this laziness quickly snowballed into him just going to sleep in our bed and that has been going on for a few weeks or more.  We also were making the mistake of allowing him to stay up to late.  He had always been a good kid and would tell us when he wanted to go to bed.  But now that he is older (if you can call 3 older) he wants to push the limits of bedtime and we let him.  It was easier.  I know bad parenting–but I am gone 2-3 nights a week between school and working and daddy is a bit of a softy.  So, we had a family bed and we didn’t really want one.

So, I had decided that after our vacation we would begin putting Noah to sleep in his own bed.  Then I got an issue of Parenting the Early Years and in there was an article titled “Reclaim Your Bed.”  I couldn’t believe my luck.  The article couldn’t come at a better time.  I read some of it with Noah and told him over and over that when we got back from vaction he was going to start sleeping in his own bed because he was a big boy and it was time.  He didn’t like that but agreed to think about it.  He’s a bit of a character our little Noah.

So, we came home from vacation and he got to have a few more nights with mom and dad–we arrived home from our trip late and he had been such a good traveler–and I was going to be gone the next two nights and hubby wanted us to both be home when we started the training.  We prepped him again and again that this would be the last night.  I easily handled the “Why Mommy?  I really love sleeping with you and daddy.”  I explained to him again that he was a big boy and it was time for him to start sleeping in his bed, etc.  I know there are plenty of people out there who think that sleeping in a family bed is great and I applaud you.  But I wanted my bed back and I wanted Noah to begin adjusting to sleeping in his own bed.

The first night was okay–we figured out that the bedtime window for Noah is 8:15-8:45.  Any later than that and he gets a second wind.  So, I took him up to bed and we laid in bed and read a few stories and I laid with him until he fell asleep–I told him I would stay until  he fell asleep and then I would be going back down to my own room.  I didn’t want him to wake up and wonder where I was.  He woke up at 2:30 and came down to our bed asking/pleading/begging to sleep with us.  I said no and marched him right back up to his room.  He cried for 40 minutes or so, but fell back asleep until about 6:30. He was surprised and happy to find money under his pillow from the Sleep Fairy.

Night two and three–he prolonged bed time  w/dad and then I got home and read him a story and he fell asleep pretty well.  He was up at both 12:30 and 3–but we marched him back to his room and he went to sleep eventually–w/quite a bit of screaming and crying.

Night 4–went to bed okay (we are still laying down with him until he falls asleep)–he was up at 11:30.  I took him up to his bed.  He was crying/screaming and it was not good.  I was up with him for close to an hour trying to calm him down and get him back to sleep.  It finally worked and fell asleep and was up again at 4.  He cried quite a bit but fell back asleep.

Night 5–didn’t go to bed as good.  He would fall asleep and hubby would leave the room and he would cry–that went on for about 30 minutes.  But he finally fell asleep and stayed asleep and drumroll please…slept in his bed all night.  WHO HOO

He didn’t get money from the sleep fairy on the nights he was up twice.  We told him she probably came but he wasn’t in his bed so she couldn’t leave the money.  He was sad about that, but he was really proud today that he slept in his bed all night and that the sleep fairy saw him sleeping in his bed. He has his money in a pink purse–he loves the purse.  Bill has offered him a wallet on several occassions but he loves the purse.  He is saving up for a batman car/motorcyle–he can’t decide.

For That Hard To Buy For Person

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / Leave a comment

mugbanner2009My colleague pointed me to this great website.  It has something for everyone.  I have spent a huge part of my day browsing the site and here are a few of my favorites…enjoy and go buy a custom made calendar or mug or shirt for that special impossible to please someone–we all know who they are and so do they.

risksprocrastinationpotentialachievementfutilityignoranceI haven’t decided which ones best fit me yet…and when I do I’ll keep it to myself.

A New Member

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / Leave a comment

I know many of you will remember my heart wrenching post about having to get rid of two of our cats who didn’t adjust well when our baby girl came home.  I am happy to report that both cats were adopted and found new homes.  Our older cat–who is a little over 12 did not adjust well to being an only cat.  She has been crying late at night every night for months and months.  We have buckled in and added a new friend.   I know there are those of you who will chastise me for getting rid of two perfectly awesome cats and getting another one.  Well, go ahead and make your comments.

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Here is Zoë carrying Cookie around.  I know all of you PETA people will be seeing this as animal cruelty and we are working with Zoë to not carry the kitten around but Cookie is quite tolerant–except that one time Zoë tried to carry her by her tail.

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We adopted Cookie from the Humane Society and I couldn’t believe how many kittens there were.  I was happy to hear that the Humane Society keeps the animals until they are adopted as long as their health is good and they don’t have any serious behavior problems.  Our litlle Cookie, has a bit of a cold and I might try to take her to the vet tonight–she seems a bit lethargic.  I am happy to report that Fudge, our older cat, has stopped crying all night and while her and Cookie are not BFF’s yet, they can amicably reside in the same space.  Cookie has already made friends with the dogs and sleeps with us and them in our bed at night.  Except last night she spent part of the night sleeping with Noah and it was too cute.