Well it has finally happened.  This little space here of mine on the internet has caused a bit of a family scandal.  This post has caused a bit of a ruckus.   I have lived in this space for over 5 years, writing about all aspects of my life–the good, the bad, the embarrassing, and the ugly.  There are plenty of things I don’t blog about.  On principle and out of respect for my husband–I don’t blog about him personally or about the intimate details of our relationship.  I don’t write specifics about my family that aren’t commonly know facts or something I would feel comfortable saying to their face.

My family is not into this whole internet thing and my brothers have always thought and expressed how stupid they think blogging is.  I haven’t readily shared the link to my blog with family–not because I want to hide what I am writing, but because this space is mine and I’m going to write what I need to and some people don’t understand that.  This is my personal space–notice I did not say private–where I express my opinions, feelings, hopes and dreams for my kiddos, my perspective on problems, so on and so on.  This means that some people might be offended at my truth.

This post couldn’t be more innocuous.  It states simple facts–that are simple and straight forward–they are not judgements.  I don’t judge my parents because of the circumstances of my life.  They did the best they could–they were young parents and I can’t imagine raising kids at a young age and they stayed together for us as kids and they worked hard to make sure we had what we needed.  I got soccer trips and vacations, etc.  This post wasn’t about what my parents did or didn’t do; it was a post about what I did.  I will not feel bad celebrating my accomplishments.  Did my parents help me with photography school?  Yes.  Did I finish–no because I couldn’t afford it.  There are many things that my parents did–good and bad–that have made me the person I am today.  But I went back to school at 25–on my own.  I fought to raise the grades I had after getting kicked out of community college when I was 19.  I worked my ass off–going to school full-time and working full-time.  I pulled all-nighters writing papers and reading.  I bought my first computer.  These are things I did on my own and to say that doesn’t diminish the fact that my parents raised me.  It doesn’t change any of that.

There are a variety of reports–but only ~30% of PhD recipients are first-generation college students.  So out of every 100 PhD’s awarded approximately 30 or less are first-generation college students.  To get kicked out of community college (at 19) and to then persist on to a PhD is a very unlikely story.  The odds were stacked against me and I know that better than anyone.  But I fought for something I thought was immensely important.  I fought.  I borrowed and leveraged.  Maybe some would say it was foolish to borrow so much for an education.  Maybe some will say I would have been better off settling.  But I have ambitions and will follow them.  I did it to prove to myself that I could and because it is something I want.  I didn’t ask for help.  I did it on my own and I am not sorry for that.  Is that to say my parents weren’t factors?  Or my husband?  No–but they weren’t the ones doing the work.  It was me and no one can take that away from me.

This very well has cost me my relationship with one of my brothers.  That is something I will live with.  I don’t want or need someone in my life (family or not) who doesn’t respect me and judges me based on one blog post out of 905.  I will not be responsible for how others feel.  I am responsible for myself.  I considered just pulling the plug on this whole blog thing.  But no.  This is my space.  This is my life and I have nothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed of.  I’m sorry if there are some who think I do.