Impatience + Winter Blahs = Eating

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 2 Comments

Well yesterday was day number 252 that we have been waiting for a referral.  I really thought that we would have our referral already.  I am sad that we don’t.  Really sad.  I know that we should be hearing soon.  But I just don’t know what soon is.  Our agency director is back and I thought for sure we would have heard already about our referral.  It makes me slightly anxious to be waiting and knowing that it is forth coming. 

I am slowly getting frustrated at the wait.  I know it is no ones fault.  There is no one to blame that we are having to wait but my feelings are what they are.  I then in turn feel guilty that I am waiting for a child to be given up by their birth parent(s).  That I am hoping for this to happen.  How messed up is that?  I mean really.  Adoption is for more difficult emotionally once you start really thinking about it than I can imagine pregnancy to be.  I can only add to my family because another family cannot stay together.  That is so sad. 

To the birthmother of my little daughter (an my already adopted son), I am so sorry for the tragedy in your life that has made you choose adoption.  I can only imagine how hard the choice was for you.  It is a brave choice.  It is a choice that I wish didn’t have to be made. Please know that your child will be loved and will be reminded of his beginnings and will be taught to honor you through our own example of honoring you.  You have given us the greatest gift anyone could give another person.  You have given us the gift of life.  We will be forever grateful for this gift.  There are no words to properly express our feelings for you.  But know that we love you and will teach and encourage our children to love you as well. 

To compound on these feelings of frustration and sadness the come with the adoption process, winter is kicking my ass.  I am so very tired of winter.  It was snowing again this morning–just flurries and they are gone now–but it is cloudy and cold again.  This winter has been hard because not only has it been cold but it has been without sunshine for a great majority of the time.  I don’t mind the cold, but what I can’t stand is the cold and the cloudy. I am having some serious winter blues.  I am so ready for spring.  I am thinking that I just might go back to San Diego until the sun decides to take up residence here again. 

To make matters worse, I am getting a bit of a cold–so I don’t have the energy or drive to work out and when I am feeling down–well I eat.  I eat cookies, brownies, bread…all the shit that makes me feel bloated and like crap.  So, I feel worse but I can’t seem to stop myself, because I am too sad and frustrated to care.  OMG.  Just let me have some sunshine and my referral already….

Impulsiveness Is My Achilles’ Heel

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 3 Comments

No one has ever accused me of thinking about something too much.  This is often a trait that is good.  Had I thought about it too much, I probably wouldn’t have gone out with my husband.  I certainly wouldn’t have moved back to St. Louis from Santa Barbara and I certainly wouldn’t be going to New Orleans in April.  But,  I often act without thinking.  I am a feeling kind of girl. If something seems like it would be a good idea, then sign me up.  I’ll worry about the rest later.  Most of the time it works out.  Well.  Not this time. 

Last week I was at the mall for a playdate with mom’s from my mom’s group.  I decided to go shopping…only because Minnow really wanted to tour and walk the mall.  So we ended up at the MAC store.  Usually this wouldn’t be a problem, other than I have been lusting (like a teenage boy in the girls locker room) over an iphone.  Also, I had just spent sometime with a dear friend who had just gotten an itouch and I thought it was so cool and if I can’t get an iphone (I am not always rational) then an itouch would be perfect.  It has everything but the phone and I already have a cell phone.  I was trying to be grown up about it. I think we all know how that usually works out. 

So, I’ve had my itouch for a total of 6 days and I’ll be damned if I didn’t just bargain with hubby (sacrificing anniversary, mother’s day and birthday presents for the rest of the year) because I absolutely have to have an iphone.  Please…yes I know this is totally unreasonable and quite childish, but you know what life it too short to not get what you want if you can manage it.  Sure I feel guilty that I have practically bought the same thing twice in 5 days time.  But I am so happy that I am getting an iphone.  And  now my almost 2 year old will be the only kid at playdates with his own itouch.  He’ll totally think I’m cool–well once he realizes what cool is. 

Shaking Off The Travel Dust

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 4 Comments

We are back from Wannafest and it was a blast.  I am so sorry to see it come to an end and sad that we all live so far apart from each other.  It was amazing to meet these other women bloggers whom shared the experience of adoption at the same time.  They are all amazing women (their husbands and kids are pretty awesome too) and I am lucky to call them friends. 

I am happy to be home and sleeping in my own bed.  If I could travel with my bed, I would be happy.  San Diego is a great place, but it certainly makes me happy that I don’t live in SoCal any longer.  The weather is great and lets be honest, you aren’t going to find better Mexican food (which is my favorite), but it is too crowded.  There are too many people.  I just don’t like people that much to live so close to them all the time.  But I hope to go back to San Diego as it really is a great spot and one of my closest friends lives there with her family and it was really great seeing her.  That is one of the great things about friends is that no matter how much times goes by without a face to face meeting, its like you just saw them yesterday.  Good friends, true friends rock. 

Every time I travel, I am thankful for my hubby.  He is so easy to travel with and so much fun to spend time with.  But now I am home and am behind in my school work, since I was gone and didn’t do any homework.  I am a little bloated from all the awesome food we ate and my house is a bit of a mess in the post-vacation laziness way. 

And on the adoption front.  The director of our agency left Ethiopia sometime today and with her I am hoping she carries the file on the beautiful little girl who will become our daughter.  I hope…

Here is a slide show (click on the picture to view the show) of some of the close to 1000 pics I took on this vacation.  You have to love digital photography. 

View this slideshow created at One True Media
Wannafest 08

All Great, Awesome, Amazing Things Must Come To An End

/ Dawn Kasal-Finley / 4 Comments

and sadly that means Wannafest as well.  It has been an amazing time.  The families we have met are amazing and I am honored to call them friends.  We have had a blast and the kiddos have been amazing.  I am sad, as I didn’t get much time with my wannafesters today as my MIL lives close by and I have dear friends whom I haven’t seen for 5 years who also live in the area.  We were roommates in college and have stayed close friends.  Thats the things with friends, it doesn’t matter how much/often you see them friendship that is true doesn’t wane.  I thank my Wannafesters for being the amazing and understanding people they are.  I missed them.  I missed saying goodbye to MP and her family.  I am sad.  But I know we will be together again and that Wannafest 08 is the first in a long list of many more Wannafests to come. 

Sorry Anne and MP (and families) that we didn’t make it to hang out with you all today.  We had an amazing time.