White Privilege Oblivion–Part 1

This post will be long….Be forewarned.

I think I am ready to get some thoughts down about the documentary The Color of Fear (1994).  It was a powerful movie that has forced me to look into myself and to admit that there are many things about race that I still don’t and will not be able to understand about race/racism/prejudice. 

Let me define first racism and prejudice.  The predominant social science definition of racism is that it is based in power–meaning that in our country (most of the western world) only white people can be racist as we are the ones who (as a group) hold the power in our society.  This means that there is no reverse racism–minorities by definition cannot be racist towards anyone as they do not have the power in our society–minorities can be prejudiced toward others but not racist.  I know there will be some of you that do not agree with that definition–but I do.  So it is where I operate from when I talk about racism. 

Here is the plot summary of the movie: Eight North American men, two African American, two Latinos, two Asian American and two Caucasian were gathered by director Lee Mun Wah, for a dialog about the state of race relations in America as seen through their eyes. The exchanges are sometimes dramatic, and put in plain light the pain caused by racism in North America.

I use to be of the mind that there is only one “race” and that we should really stop using the word race to define others.  I stand corrected.  There is only one “race” for me because I am white, “Whites don’t talk about themselves as white people but as human beings as if they are the same thing [white=human being]” (victor/TCoF).  I am humbled by this.  I thought I was so enlightened in my thinking.  I have often thought–naively I have now been reminded–that we are all human beings and why can’t we just all treat each other that way. 

The movie did a great job of bringing to light the often hidden white privilege.  The movie also talked about what it means to be considered American and how people of color view the word American and human being.  All of the men of color felt that to define yourself as just as an American was to lose something.  “When we [people of color] give up who we are to become Americans, we know that we are dying from it.  You’re dying from it to, but you don’t know it necessarily.  Get ethnic…” (victor).  This was a powerful moment in the film for me.  It really forced me to think about what being American is.  I consider myself lucky that I think about my ethnic heritage–Irish and German.  But it certainly isn’t part of my consciousness.  I describe myself as an American.  I never thought that the concept of being American meant something different to others. 

One of the Latino male participants brought up the presumptuousness of the term American–as everyone from North, Central and South American are technically Americans, yet we whites have taken the term America for ourselves and changed it for everyone else.  We made the term American synonymous with WHITE–making the term only apply to a small number of people who inhabit the Americas. 

I am so happy that I saw this movie.  As a white mother of a Ethiopian American, I understand the import of keeping his heritage prevalent in his consciousness.  To stop referring to him as an Ethiopian American means to deny him his sense of self.  He will always be seen as a black American or African American but the dominant culture and to deny that I am turning a blind eye(More on race labels in part 2).  I cannot afford to do that as his mother.  I have to teach him to love himself and to embrace himself not to teach him that assimilation is what he has to do.  As his parent I have to validate his experience.  I have to listen. 

We all have to listen and to validate the experiences of those different than us.  We cannot turn a blind eye because it hasn’t happened to us.  We cannot deny others the right to their heritage because it makes us uncomfortable.  Racism is essentially a white man’s issue/problem.  To say to those of color–why can’t we all just be human beings–is really saying “why can’t we all pretend to just be white?” 

As a white person living in a white community, I do not often have to deal with people of color outside of social situations (not in power relations).  But people of color always have to deal with white people in that power capacity and that influences the behavior.  To fit into corporate America ones has to effectively assimilate to white…I mean corporate culture.  To be an American is not what those of color aspire because the images of what an American is does not resemble them in anyway—doesn’t look, cry, play, etc., like them. 

To expect them to be “American” to participate in corporate culture is to strip them of their identity; thereby, making them vulnerable and stripped of all power.  As a white person, this is something that I will never have to do.  My son, as an Ethiopian American will be expected to do it.  Sadly, it will be easier for him because he will be raised in that community–but it will cause him to not fit into either community. 

We must listen.  We must validate.  We must accept.  We must support each other as we are, not as we think they should be. 

So Close I Can Taste The Excitement And The Crazy

The two families who were ahead of us on the waiting list both received their referrals today.  Congrats to Becky and family and to Laura and family.  That means we are next and I am slightly going insane.  Everytime the phone rings or my email dings I stop breathing for a moment.  This just might kill me.  Here’s to more waiting. 

Identity–Food For thought

GGC has a great and thought provoking post about online identity in the blogsphere–especially the mommy blogsphere.  It has given me great pause for thought and consideration of my own online moniker.  Mine is not original.  I know there is a dalai mama on blogspot and there is another dalai mama who posts on a parenting site.  I admit that when I purchased and decided on thedalaimama moniker, I didn’t do much due diligence in my searching to see if there were others out there.  When I did, I decided that we were really in differnt realms of the blogsphere.  But now, I wonder.  How important is it?  I know that I have a base readership and I don’t know that I get a lot of traffic meant for the other women who share my moniker.  But…that keeps coming back to me.  GGC’s words and the words of her commenters resonate with me. 

 What are your thoughts?  Have I violated the intellectual property of the other dalai mama’s? 

Might This Week Be THE Week?

I know it is futile to try and predict this whole adoption/waiting for a referral thing.  I have been here before and know it is totally unpredictable.  But I can’t help but think that this might be our week.  Just a feeling and my feelings are often wrong, but hey it doesn’t hurt to hope. 

I am getting ready for our Wannafest trip.  I am excited that we are leaving in 9 days.  How much fun it will be.  I know it would be so fun to have our referral by then to share and celebrate with the other families.  But if not, there will be much fun had by all that will effectively keep me from checking my email 1000 times a day–even hours before my agencies office opens.   It just gets harder…Soon.